At the time, my heart attack didn't feel like much of an event, other than some chest pain I felt fine. I never lost consciousness, it was never a life-threatening event, yet the after effects have hit me considerably. My energy levels, which have always been on the low side thanks to my other health issues, dropped and have not returned to what they were pre-SCAD (Spontaneous Coronary Artery Dissection). Also, my motivation and enthusiam for life has plummeted and I'm still trying to regain my oomph. People talk about having a renewed sense of purpose after a serious health incident, but I've been finding the opposite true and have been battling with a 'why bother' feeling for months.
Still, I have kept pushing forward, even if all I could manage was one or two steps a day. I found a romance bookstore in New Zealand that does stock indie books and I was bouyed when they agreed to consider mine. I sent them a copy of Shooting Stars full of hope and pictured myself finally giving readings and book signings at their store, but after all my effort, they declined. I was gutted. I don't see why my book is 'not quite the right fit for them' when they stock only romance and woman's fiction. I can only conclude that it's to do with my lack of social media presence and obvious awkward nature when I spoke to them on the phone. Yes, I know social media is important and that if you want to make it as an indie author you have to be posting on social media every day, but I don't have the energy for that, besides I's a writer not an influencer.
It's hard not to feel bitter. Last year a fellow indie author whose book is only available on Amazon and has only a handful of reviews was interiewed on national radio and had her book reviewed by a national book reviewer - both of which declined me when I approached them because I was self-represented! She was able to hire a professional book marketing team whose fee is over $2,000 and so she got the interviews and the reviews because they booked them for her! It really frustrates me when people can get ahead because they have more money, more energy and more popularity.
I'm sure I'm not the only author with disabilities who feels drowned out by an industry that favours the able-bodied, attractive, popular and well-off. It's common knowledge that the more you can spend on marketing, the more successful your book will be. Any book can become a bestseller if you have a big enough marketing budget. The same is true about the authors, the more attractive they are, the more at ease they are at public speaking etc, the more likely they are to get book tours. It's not fair.
It got me thinking though. There hundreds of bloggers, instragramers and websites that promote indie and traditionally-published books. Many specialise in certain kinds of books such as only fantasy or only romance, but no one is promoting only books that involve disability. So, I'm going to do that. I recently launched www.disabilitybookshelf.com. The website is still under construction and has a lot of building to go, but eventually I hope that it will be THE place for people to go to find books about disability, books that have characters with disabilities and books written by authors with disabilities. I also plan for it to be a platform where disabled writers can finally experience the spotlight they deserve.
Posted: Wed 26 Aug 2026